Well....

Well, the trip to Harry Potter World was extremely eventful. Let's start with that I got vertigo the morning we were leaving and ended up going to the E.R. because of an overly cautious urgent care doctor who said that I was presenting atypically for vertigo only to be told, yup, it is vertigo.

We had to rush to pack and then I went with K to her colleague's camp house to sleep until we had to leave to prepare for the 300+ people. The buses were late, the buses were not up to the standards that we expected, then at 3 AM on the way down, one of the buses had to be sent back home because the shocks were broken on it. Then another bus had a broken bumper, one didn't have a bathroom, it was all just a hot mess. Finally made it to Orlando around 9:00 AM and changed clothes to prepare to go to the park.

The park... it was completely and utterly magical! The atmosphere, watching the wand ceremony (I got chills and teary), all of the shops and iconic items. Then, the lights show at the Hogwarts castle at night with fireworks! I've never felt more like a little kid and so excited to see all of it. So glad that E & K were with us! Unfortunately, I didn't get to ride anything except the train, but the experience was extraordinary.

The trip home was even worse for buses, two more broke down in Valdosta and K had to stay behind to wait for replacements. I got back around 6:00 and K finally got back around 10:00 PM. We were exhausted to say the least and slept 12 hours into the next day.

The only bad part is that I did "treat myself" with all of the food I am trying to avoid. I didn't feel deprived, but I did go over all of my points for the day, week, and my fit points. When I weighed myself on Monday, I had gained 3 pounds back. Ugh. So, back to the grind, ate within my points yesterday and have a plan for this week.

Now, if only the vertigo wasn't killing me since I cannot take the medicine and drive/work... 

Conversation Hogs

I find several things very annoying when having a conversation with someone else. At the top of that list is: not being aware that you are taking up all the air in the room during a conversation because you won't let anyone else get a word in edge wise. The definition of conversation: the informal exchange of ideas by spoken words. The key word there is exchange. I don't enjoy sitting and listening to others tell me all of their ideas the entire time. I want to be engaged and share my thoughts as well!

Not My Best

K asked me for help this morning editing a document. Unfortunately, the timing was poor. It was already 5 minutes after I usually leave for work. So, I sent off a text that I would be late into the office and started to task. It took me a lot longer than I wanted it to take. Then, I lashed out at K about it and how I could've easily finished this at my desk at work rather than giving her what I did, which was less than my best effort, because I was frustrated that it needed to happen right then and there.

I have a tendency to lash out at the people I love, then regret it and apologize later. I think I need more introspection to figure out this behavior and how to eliminate it. Often, I refer to myself as the "first son" from the parable in Matthew. I get the job done, but not without voicing my displeasure. Truly, I want to be the person who is tasked with something and does it with pleasure. Hopefully, I'll get there someday.

Food

Sometimes I feel like a prisoner to food. It is something I need to survive, but I struggle heavily with overeating and emotional eating. Since we started WW, things have been a lot easier because there is a formula to this, rules and boundaries, which make it simple. I do well with rules and structure. I struggle with free form and chaos. My worry is that, this weekend I may fall of the rails with my eating/drinking because I am not going to be in my routine. My intentions are there and I have the app, the rules, and the accountability. I guess I need to believe in myself a little more, that I am capable of being greater than my own worst enemy.

All of the Friends

This weekend was slightly chaotic. Last week, friends from Vermont wanted to come down and stay with us while they looked into possibly moving down here. We agreed without thinking about the fact that we had to dog sit (again, not complaining at all! we are paid for it) for P & E. We set up the guest room in the condo beautifully only to have them stay with us for two nights at P & E's house. Also, we missed out on going to the mountain cabin with K & N and K & E :(

Then, C had a party at her house to celebrate the beginning of her renovation with M expanding the house for the both of them. Unfortunately, something I ate made me so sick that I relived my early days of living with C and getting so drunk that I slept on the bathroom floor. Sad that I didn't get to spend more time with them and puking sucks in general.

Finally, we saw Avengers: Infinity War with K & E (who are always fun to hang with), but they killed off half of the damn universe and my anxiety level was at a 10 during the whole movie! PS- spoiler alert ;)

Hopefully this week flies by because... HARRY POTTER!! The insane trip that is 7 charter buses and almost 200 girl scouts to Orlando overnight and back in 72 hours begins! I'm embarrassingly excited to get to ride the train to Hogwarts and see all of the HP glory at Universal. Friday cannot come soon enough.

Reverse Ups and Downs

So, I'm doing reverse ups and downs today!

As of this morning, according to E's scale (which is not kosher, I should have waited and used the scale at home), I am down more than 5 lbs! Feeling great so far and not hungry in the least. Would like to go to the gym more (can't believe I actually want to!), but life is increasingly busier as I age with more responsibilities (work, church, friends, family, etc. PS: how are we going to handle throwing children into this mess??) and I need to be kind to myself that we don't always meet our goals & expectations for the week rather than get frustrated.

Speaking of frustrated...

My blood pressure is up. There is one thing I really dislike, being accused of doing something wrong then doing the research and finding out the "accuser" is factually incorrect. How do you either, A) not get defensive? or B) respond in a firm, yet nice way that while you don't want to rub it in their face (not true, I totally do) that I DID NOT do what you are accusing me doing (note: in a very passive aggressive, condescending tone via email). I can only hope the way I responded to this incident did not incur an additional infraction. For the record, I responded that I would fix it then sent a follow up email with PROOF that "someone" else did the thing I was being accused of doing.

Whoa. I'm old now.

What a trip! I had completely forgotten about this blog that I started 7 1/2 years ago. The girl writing it was so unabashedly hopeful it makes me yearn for those years. Though, if I am being honest, that girl was a hot damn mess in so many ways!

I'm still the same musical loving, sports obsessed, (somewhat) hopeful person.  I've found the woman who will love me back no matter what and the job I know I can do for the rest of my career.  I'm not living paycheck to paycheck, but I'm not wealthy either. I'm attending a church and feeling more connected spiritually than I have since I was in high school. In the same breath, I could not be more frustrated with the circumstances surrounding organized religion and the role it is playing in my impending marriage (yes, I am engaged! 23 year old me is completely surprised that I finally found someone worthwhile).

I've learned some hard lessons along the way, made numerous critical mistakes that could have been prevented, and felt some incredible pain (both emotional and physical, fucking gallbladders & kidneys).  The older I get, the more I realize "adulting" is making good decisions and acting on them in a timely manner over and over and over and over again. It is both boring and comforting to know.

Updated list of things I love (in a randomly particular order):
K <3
My parents & brother
Movies! For posterity, there is this thing called MoviePass that is so awesome, but completely and utterly unsustainable
Traveling, next trip is to Universal to see Harry Potter galore!
Softball (even though I don't play anymore)
Music
Art
Food (a little too much, started WeightWatchers last week and am down 3 pounds, so is K!)
My friends who are like family

I still know money isn't everything, but it sure is helpful. I still love to be the worker bee and not the boss, but have become more vocal about my needs. I still want to be a parent to a foster/adopted child, but have a strong desire (for K) to birth a child for us.

Let's see if I look at this again sooner rather than later!