Welp. This year I cannot seem to make consistent blog posts. Not that these posts are for anyone else except me. Why am I the way that I am??? I am sitting here and critiquing the way I type, the phrasing that I am using, is "critiquing" actually a word? Checked google, yup, it is. I am a jumble of negative thoughts and hardcore emotions brewing together right now. Not usually a recipe for successful Rachel, but onward I trudge.
Back on WW. Having good success. But struggling with becoming obsessed about it then also making it past the 3-6 month hump. Will this time be the time we stick with it and I finally make some lasting life changes for the 1st time since I was 20 years old?? We started in July, I weighed in at 271.7 and as of today I am at 251.4; total of 20.3 lost, but no one notices unless I show them a comparative picture. A good friend reminded me that it is not about what people notice, but what I notice. That's true. It's also true that words of affirmation are one of my top love languages and getting positive confirmation of my success from people I admire is important to me. Trying to find the balance.
K helped me dress up my office a la Harry Potter/Hogwarts for Halloween for the kids of my colleagues to trick or treat today. It was a lot of fun to create. I enjoy seeing ideas come to life. I struggle with the plan to create, the execution, and adjustments when it doesn't quite work. K is teaching me a bit to see beyond the problem to the solution, but this is so deeply ingrained in how I respond to difficulty. Feeling a bit self conscious that other people will judge my choice to go a little overboard, but I love HP so, fuck it.
New wedding plan has come together. After that post in June, we finally had a sit down with K's parents. By sit down, I mean we went to their house to have dinner, play board games, then at 9:45 PM K finally piped up about what we wanted to do. E was very docile about it, better than I thought she would be. P on the other hand, word vomited his concerns about timing even after we said we would wait until 2020. Overall, more positive than negative, so we will see what happens in the next 12 months.
K loves me more than ever lately. We had some amazing intimacy the past few times we had sex, which is my favorite, but so emotional. I cry each time, she almost cried last time (which is incredible because I have seen K cry only 4-5 times in the past 5 years). She is always happier when we are having success with weight loss.
Utterly distracted now by: work, texts, anxiety, etc. Will write again sometime... Who knows when..
