Moving

So, K has talked me into moving into D's apartment when his tenants move out in October. It is exciting, but it also complicates our relationship with her family even more. We would lease our condo and then D would get the proceeds from that and then we would keep paying our individual mortgages? It is all very confusing...

Long term it will work out better for us with kids (if this doesn't get more complicated, seeing as her father will have an opinion on it, which neither her nor her mother have decided to clue him in on any of this as of yet...). Having more space and the bedrooms upstairs will allow us to have a good set up for putting the kids to bed then still being able to have people over.

We will see what happens.

Reconnecting

Met up with C today, the old friend that I ghosted 5 years ago, and had lunch. I was too nervous to eat, because while I know she told me that she has forgiven me, I've never been good at feeling worthy of other's forgiveness. I think we finally got over our initial nerves towards the end of the meal when talking about our significant others and had some real reconciling. While C and I never dated, there was always this ambiguity in our friendship, an undercurrent of emotions and we spent such a significant amount of time together. She apologized for her part in all of it, that we had this weird vibe and while she was clear that she only wanted friendship, her actions didn't always portray it that way. It felt nice to know that it wasn't all in my head or on me and her acknowledgment of my feelings and how hard it was to be close friends, but not ever cross that line.

Meanwhile, I am super glad we never crossed that line because we would have never been good for each other. I need a stable, monogamous, reassuring partner. While she was always looking for polyamory and adventure, knowing that she never wanted to settle down. There was nothing of those old feelings today and that was good. We are both happily partnered up with other people and legitimately just want to be friends.

Scary

K's mom has cancer.... What a frightening thing to say. This woman who has not made my acceptance into being a part of their family easy, now has a life threatening disease. From here on out, everything is on the back burner and I'm fearful for outcomes. While we haven't gotten along perfectly, I am attached to her and their family unit remaining intact.

I got teary about it when we were visiting K's grandmother and talking about it. K and her mom are both using humor to diffuse and remain "positive" while grandma, her dad, and I are feeling some sort of way about it. Her brother's both seem to be alright, though we haven't talked with P about it and D also has the same kind of blase "positivism" going on.

I really want K to get tested and start having yearly mammograms because it is not only affecting her mom, but also her mom's first cousin and her aunt (who died from it) have the same kind of breast cancer. She kind of blew me off at first, but relented when I said it would help me to have peace of mind.

We are going off to Blue Ridge this weekend with the 6 & 1/2 pack (new name I just created) so it will hopefully be a nice weekend away for K's birthday. {Update: we never went to Blue Ridge, stayed home and played games with friends}